Category: life

passings, memories, and the soundtrack of life…

The first news I saw this morning was that Walter Becker, co-founder of the band Steely Dan, had died.

I’ve written before (a main example is in this post) about the power of music and memories.

And as I – and the singers and songwriters and musicians I grew up listening to – get older, and the years and the decades pass, there are more and more deaths of people who have been part of the soundtrack of my life.

In just the time between the beginning of 2016 and now, there have been several (not a complete list by any means):

Prince. George Michael. David Bowie. Maurice White. Leonard Cohen. Al Jarreau. Leon Russell. Glen Campbell. Paul Kantner. Gregg Allman.

And Glenn Frey.

I mention Glenn Frey separately because the music of the Eagles has been extra-huge in my life. And…  it was after watching the documentary History of the Eagles on Netflix shortly after Glenn’s death in January 2016, that I felt compelled to finally do a final revision of one of my novels – In New Harmony – and publish it. (You can find it right here.)

Watching that documentary, which I’ve seen several times now, simply does something to my creativity, especially when it comes to writing fiction.

Watching that documentary makes me WANT to write – and, specifically, write fiction – so much that my fingers start to almost physically itch to do it.

Listening to Eagles music does something to me very similar to how I feel when I watch that documentary. For the past year and a half, I’ve come close several times to writing a blog post with the title “the Eagles are my spirit animal” but I simply haven’t been blogging much… (So maybe I’ll write that blog post sometime, but I’m just not sure when.)

Music is a muse for me.

And music is a memory-holder and time-traveller for me.

That’s why when there’s news like today’s passing of Walter Becker, I feel an impact.

Steely Dan’s music has definitely been part of my life’s soundtrack. I’m 55, so the music of the 70s and 80s will always have a unique and special place in my heart and my memories, and Steely Dan songs are part of that for me: junior high and high school in the 70s, beach trips with my friends, going to see FM on a Friday night at the movies.

When I decided to post on facebook this morning with a link to a youtube video of a Steely Dan song, I had trouble deciding which song to choose. I finally decided on “Deacon Blues.”

As I said in that facebook post: Someone else in the soundtrack of my life has passed. I always feel sadness along with the nostalgia… and I always feel so grateful for the music shared with the world.

RIP, Walter Becker and so many other song-makers.

And thank you for the music.

♥

what I really want…

There are so many things I really want… World peace. Inner peace. Good and wonderful things for my loved ones. Joy. Happiness. Creative and spiritual connection.

But when it comes to a just-me-myself-and-I personal level, and if I break it down to one thing I really really want right now, it would be this:

I want to be healthy.

What used to be a once-in-awhile thing became, a couple of years ago, an almost-daily thing, which led to many doctor appointments and all sorts of tests (everything coming back normal), and is now apparently a chronic new-normal for me.

I mention it at times, usually referring to it as “my balance/equilibrium stuff”, although it’s sometimes much, much more than that. But very few people know how often and to what extent this impacts my life in big and small ways.

My ego accepting the use of a cane was a small thing. (Although I won’t lie – it was a thing for me.)

Other stuff… Well, some of them are much bigger things.

I sometimes have trouble accepting these changes in my life, this change in my health, the way that I sometimes feel so awful, the way I sometimes have such trouble moving around or being able to do things I love to do.

And I sometimes especially have trouble accepting them with grace.

I rail and I fight and I pray.

Sometimes I sob in private with grief. Sometimes I yell at God with anger. Sometimes I tremble inside with fear at what might be ahead with my health.

And when I have days – or even minutes – of feeling well and good, or at least not feeling so bad… I’m so incredibly grateful I can’t even describe the depth of it.

Gradually, I’ve been learning to accept my new-normal more, rail against it less, and make adjustments in my life to do as much as I can.

I find inspiration from people who deal with far more challenges and struggles, and do it with more grace than I often summon.

I continue to work on becoming healthier, and to maintain the health I have.

And if I could be truly healthy again? Yes, please. I really want that. 

But if it doesn’t happen? Then I want to live as best I can, and I want to do it with grace.

It’s a good bet that this is part of the reason embrace grace was the guiding phrase that came forward for me this year.

A reminder for me to open to receive grace.

A reminder for me to give grace to others.

A reminder for me to give grace to myself.

♥

 

you will have created something…

 

 

Creativity matters. Making art matters.

It doesn’t matter if you think it’s any good or not. It doesn’t matter if you make money at it or not. It doesn’t matter if it’s something big or something small.
It’s part of soul-nourishment and self-care.

It’s part of living a fulfilling life and connecting to your inner self.

“The arts are not a way to make a living. They are a very human way of making life more bearable. Practicing an art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow, for heaven’s sake. Sing in the shower. Dance to the radio. Tell stories. Write a poem to a friend, even a lousy poem. Do it as well as you possibly can. You will get an enormous reward. You will have created something.”   ~Kurt Vonnegut
 

Create something. Anything.

Do it for your soul.

♥