Month: April 2024

grief and anxiety and writing and grace…

I often think it would be nice to be the kind of writer who could write any day, every day, no matter what was going on with life or emotions.

But I’m not.

Although I’m able to paint every day, even if life is in turmoil and the anxiety is high, I can’t do that with writing. I think it’s because, for me, writing involves some part of my mind and brain and attention that’s hard for me to access if I’m not feeling a certain amount of being settled inside myself. I don’t have to feel completely calm and settled to write, but there has to be a certain level of it that simply isn’t there when the anxiety is super high.

This definitely gets in the way of writing routines and rhythms. And it can mean writing in starts-and-stops. It can even feel as though I’m taking one step forward and two steps back.

And I have to admit that it’s discouraging. But it’s something that has been true for me throughout my decades of writing.

Even though this has consistently been the case for me, though, time and again I re-visit this issue and examine it and ask myself certain questions.

Should I push myself more? Should I force myself to be more discipled? Should I find some coping technique, even if it’s unhealthy, that numbs my feelings (whether anxiety or grief) enough that I can hear the characters and stories that want to be told through my writing?

None of those feel right for me. When the anxiety is so bad, pushing through it or pushing it aside seem impossible. And ever since the end of my long slow xanax taper, I have no desire to risk more anti-anxiety meds or even alcohol to numb. Whatever calming techniques I use or try need to be things that won’t mess with my brain and central nervous more than they’ve already been messed with (and harmed by) prescription medication.

So I keep coming back to giving myself grace. Or trying to, at least.

Giving myself grace and space and time to grieve the losses in my life. Giving myself grace and forgiveness for not meeting some self-imposed ideal of what my writing or productivity should look like. And giving myself grace and permission to honor my personal rhythms… whether that’s with my writing, or dealing with life in general, or going through a day.

And giving myself grace to do it all imperfectly.

How about you? Do you need to give yourself more grace? Do you need to do more honoring of your needs and your feelings and your rhythms?

If so, I hope you’ll do just that.

♥

My art journaling page from early 2020 for my word-of-the-year – grace.

writing routines and rhythms…

I’ve never been good at sticking with a regular writing routine on a long-term basis. What seems to happen is that I develop a loose structure for myself, either for a period of time or for a particular project, and it works for a while.

Do I beat myself up about it and feel guilty about lacking discipline? There have definitely been times of that.

But I was recently reminded that it’s helpful for me to think about my writing routine less as a structure, and more in terms of a rhythm.

The rhythm isn’t always constant. It shifts and changes. But the beat of my writing is always there, even if it’s in the background of my life.

And when there are times I seem to lose the rhythm – which does happen – I just need to listen for it and connect to it again.

For me, that feels like a more gentle way to return to a writing routine, instead of trying to guilt and shame myself into a structure. It feels like a way of giving myself more grace. It feels more like being kind to myself – and to my writing.

And feeling that way helps me get back to writing, which connects me more to joy, and fuels my sense of purpose.

These past months, as I’ve been trying to find my way through grief and change, my writing has been quite start-and-stop. This has been a period, however, when I haven’t been beating myself up about it. I believe it’s been important to give myself the time and space I need for such major life events.

Time and space is still needed, but I’m starting to write more again. I’m also starting to feel the need and the desire for more of a regular writing routine again. More of a rhythm again.

So I’m leaning into that, and letting that desire guide the way. Not thinking of it as structure. Not thinking of it as a should.

But experimenting with times of day. Playing with flows of words. Listening for the beat of my writing and synching with its rhythm.

Connecting with the joy of it.

How about you? What helps with getting you to write? Whether it’s a structured schedule, a go-with-the-flow loose routine, or something else, the important thing is being aware of what helps you write if writing is what you want to do.

♥

On the Journey with Luke…

In the past year or so, I’ve been putting together and publishing some guided journals for various books of the Bible. These aren’t Bible studies, but they’re meant to be Bible study tools – paperback books with some prompts and questions, with spaces to keep notes and research as you read through a book of the Bible.

The first of these journals is On the Journey with Psalms, followed by On the Journey with John, On the Journey with Romans, and On the Journey with Proverbs.

This month, there’s a new one – On the Journey with Luke.

As with the others, this journal provides prompts and questions for each chapter of the Gospel of Luke, along with a “guiding verse” I chose for each chapter. There are boxes and lines for writing, and a progress tracker to keep up with which chapters you’ve read.

I hope you’ll check it out!

♥