anxiety – Page 4 – Ginger Simpson White

crochet as calming distraction…

As I’ve talked about in my last couple of posts (here and here), I’ve been really diving into creative activities to help me with stress and anxiety.

Something I’ve recently returned to, after many years away from it, is crochet. My mother taught me to crochet when I was in elementary school, and although I’ve never tackled anything fancy – I’ve kept to simple patterns for the scarves and throws and afghans I’ve made over the years – it was something I enjoyed.

I’d pick it up for a while, make one or a few things, then put it aside for long stretches of time. And because crocheting had started to irritate an old neck injury, when I last put it down a few years ago I wasn’t sure I would ever return to it.

But recently, after hearing a good friend discuss some crochet plans, I unexpectedly had the itch to crochet – even if all I did was make stitches without actually making a thing. It felt like it would be calming and meditative and helpful for me.

So I got out one of my crochet hooks, looked through my limited stash of old yarn, and gave it a go, simply making a long string of stitches.

Immediately, I realized my hunch had been right – it did feel calming and meditative and soothing. It gave me another distraction from worry and anxiety. It gave my hands something to do while I listened to an audio or had a show playing in the background.

Soon, I realized I wanted to do more than a long string of single stitches, and I switched tactics. Even though years had passed, it was like muscle-memory kicked in to start making a simple scarf…and I decided to start making a thing after all.

Needing to be mindful about doing my best to avoid irritating my neck, I crochet only for short bits of time and I don’t do it every day. I need to make sure crocheting doesn’t become a source of stress or tension, I need for it to remain a calming distraction, so I deliberately put absolutely no pressure on myself about how often I crochet or how it ends up.

I’m doing it for the doing of it. For the process. For the meditative and calming effect on me.

Just enjoying the feel of the yarn and the hook and the movement.

And if it actually ends up being a scarf that can be worn, that’s a bonus.

♥

doodling, doodles, and calm…

Life still feels anxious, and I’m still spending time with creativity as a calming distraction. I’m painting and art journaling and writing and doodling and crocheting.

Even outside of how these activities help me when it comes to anxiety and stress, they help me because they bring me joy – they keep me connected with creativity and they light me up. And I can spend time with them even on days I don’t feel up to venturing out.

Doodling is one of those calming and meditative activities that can be done for a minute or an hour, on a big piece of paper or a tiny receipt. I can listen to something in the background or half-watch a show while I use a pen to play.

I’ve been especially enjoying making doodles on small pieces of paper, and I’ll sometimes simply grab an index card from a nearby stack…

Or open up my little moleskin journal and play around there.

It’s fun. It’s relaxing. It’s distracting.

And it’s calming.

Try some doodling (if you haven’t already). It doesn’t matter how it looks, because that’s not the point.

The point is the calming, the play, the letting your fingers move the pen or pencil or marker as you relax into the moment.

The point is simply the doing of it.

♥

grief and anxiety and writing and grace…

I often think it would be nice to be the kind of writer who could write any day, every day, no matter what was going on with life or emotions.

But I’m not.

Although I’m able to paint every day, even if life is in turmoil and the anxiety is high, I can’t do that with writing. I think it’s because, for me, writing involves some part of my mind and brain and attention that’s hard for me to access if I’m not feeling a certain amount of being settled inside myself. I don’t have to feel completely calm and settled to write, but there has to be a certain level of it that simply isn’t there when the anxiety is super high.

This definitely gets in the way of writing routines and rhythms. And it can mean writing in starts-and-stops. It can even feel as though I’m taking one step forward and two steps back.

And I have to admit that it’s discouraging. But it’s something that has been true for me throughout my decades of writing.

Even though this has consistently been the case for me, though, time and again I re-visit this issue and examine it and ask myself certain questions.

Should I push myself more? Should I force myself to be more discipled? Should I find some coping technique, even if it’s unhealthy, that numbs my feelings (whether anxiety or grief) enough that I can hear the characters and stories that want to be told through my writing?

None of those feel right for me. When the anxiety is so bad, pushing through it or pushing it aside seem impossible. And ever since the end of my long slow xanax taper, I have no desire to risk more anti-anxiety meds or even alcohol to numb. Whatever calming techniques I use or try need to be things that won’t mess with my brain and central nervous more than they’ve already been messed with (and harmed by) prescription medication.

So I keep coming back to giving myself grace. Or trying to, at least.

Giving myself grace and space and time to grieve the losses in my life. Giving myself grace and forgiveness for not meeting some self-imposed ideal of what my writing or productivity should look like. And giving myself grace and permission to honor my personal rhythms… whether that’s with my writing, or dealing with life in general, or going through a day.

And giving myself grace to do it all imperfectly.

How about you? Do you need to give yourself more grace? Do you need to do more honoring of your needs and your feelings and your rhythms?

If so, I hope you’ll do just that.

♥