Tag: creativity

creativity as calming distraction…

As I continue my journey of life having way more anxiety than I wish it would, I’ve been spending even more time immersed in creativity. I’m still (very gradually) working on a sequel to my novel, New Life in New Melody, and doing other writerly-type things.

Mostly, though, my creative time has been related to painting and art journaling and doodling.

Writing (as I’ve mentioned before) seems to need a certain amount of feeling settled inside myself for me to make the jump from not-writing to writing on any given day… and when the anxiety is too high, I can’t seem to reach that state.

But painting is different for me. I can pick up a paintbrush and start painting even in the midst of high anxiety.

And then the settled feeling comes, at least while I’m painting. And it’s calming. And it’s distracting.

Even just painting squares of color does this for me. Recently, I spent some time going through some of my acrylic paints and I simply painted swatches of color.

Which is just what I need to get past the anxiety and reach a place of peace.

Even just doing this made such a difference in the anxiety!

Whenever I had a bit of paint leftover on my palette, I added it to a canvas I had recently covered with white gesso. Not trying to make it into anything, just painting and making marks to use up the extra bits of paint left when I squeezed out or poured too much.

Simply playing with the paint.

Just being in the creativity with the paint and the brushes.

But the calming of it, and the distraction of it, help so much.

When you’re feeling anxious, find what can help you distract from the feelings (unless distraction isn’t what’s needed at the time). Find what can help you calm. It might take some experimenting – and what helps can shift and change, which is why it’s good to have a variety of things to turn to and try. But when you do find what helps, take the time to do it.

And may it make a positive difference in your day.

That’s my wish for you.

♥

grief and anxiety and writing and grace…

I often think it would be nice to be the kind of writer who could write any day, every day, no matter what was going on with life or emotions.

But I’m not.

Although I’m able to paint every day, even if life is in turmoil and the anxiety is high, I can’t do that with writing. I think it’s because, for me, writing involves some part of my mind and brain and attention that’s hard for me to access if I’m not feeling a certain amount of being settled inside myself. I don’t have to feel completely calm and settled to write, but there has to be a certain level of it that simply isn’t there when the anxiety is super high.

This definitely gets in the way of writing routines and rhythms. And it can mean writing in starts-and-stops. It can even feel as though I’m taking one step forward and two steps back.

And I have to admit that it’s discouraging. But it’s something that has been true for me throughout my decades of writing.

Even though this has consistently been the case for me, though, time and again I re-visit this issue and examine it and ask myself certain questions.

Should I push myself more? Should I force myself to be more discipled? Should I find some coping technique, even if it’s unhealthy, that numbs my feelings (whether anxiety or grief) enough that I can hear the characters and stories that want to be told through my writing?

None of those feel right for me. When the anxiety is so bad, pushing through it or pushing it aside seem impossible. And ever since the end of my long slow xanax taper, I have no desire to risk more anti-anxiety meds or even alcohol to numb. Whatever calming techniques I use or try need to be things that won’t mess with my brain and central nervous more than they’ve already been messed with (and harmed by) prescription medication.

So I keep coming back to giving myself grace. Or trying to, at least.

Giving myself grace and space and time to grieve the losses in my life. Giving myself grace and forgiveness for not meeting some self-imposed ideal of what my writing or productivity should look like. And giving myself grace and permission to honor my personal rhythms… whether that’s with my writing, or dealing with life in general, or going through a day.

And giving myself grace to do it all imperfectly.

How about you? Do you need to give yourself more grace? Do you need to do more honoring of your needs and your feelings and your rhythms?

If so, I hope you’ll do just that.

♥

My art journaling page from early 2020 for my word-of-the-year – grace.

writing routines and rhythms…

I’ve never been good at sticking with a regular writing routine on a long-term basis. What seems to happen is that I develop a loose structure for myself, either for a period of time or for a particular project, and it works for a while.

Do I beat myself up about it and feel guilty about lacking discipline? There have definitely been times of that.

But I was recently reminded that it’s helpful for me to think about my writing routine less as a structure, and more in terms of a rhythm.

The rhythm isn’t always constant. It shifts and changes. But the beat of my writing is always there, even if it’s in the background of my life.

And when there are times I seem to lose the rhythm – which does happen – I just need to listen for it and connect to it again.

For me, that feels like a more gentle way to return to a writing routine, instead of trying to guilt and shame myself into a structure. It feels like a way of giving myself more grace. It feels more like being kind to myself – and to my writing.

And feeling that way helps me get back to writing, which connects me more to joy, and fuels my sense of purpose.

These past months, as I’ve been trying to find my way through grief and change, my writing has been quite start-and-stop. This has been a period, however, when I haven’t been beating myself up about it. I believe it’s been important to give myself the time and space I need for such major life events.

Time and space is still needed, but I’m starting to write more again. I’m also starting to feel the need and the desire for more of a regular writing routine again. More of a rhythm again.

So I’m leaning into that, and letting that desire guide the way. Not thinking of it as structure. Not thinking of it as a should.

But experimenting with times of day. Playing with flows of words. Listening for the beat of my writing and synching with its rhythm.

Connecting with the joy of it.

How about you? What helps with getting you to write? Whether it’s a structured schedule, a go-with-the-flow loose routine, or something else, the important thing is being aware of what helps you write if writing is what you want to do.

♥