journey with joy – Ginger Simpson White

joy and anxiety…

During these last few months of the year, one of the main themes I’m blogging about is my journey with joy.

But I have to admit it’s hard sometimes for me to connect with joy because there are times when anxiety – and outright fear – get in the way.

My struggle with anxiety is actually what made me realize, several years ago, how very important it is for me to connect with joy… and how I need to be intentional about it. Because otherwise the anxiety and fear and grief and worry and other not-so-great-feeling things can be so much at the forefront that joy isn’t noticed (and maybe especially those small moments of joy that can pass us by before we catch them).

This isn’t about ignoring reality and pretending things are great when they’re not. It’s about paying attention, being intentional, and looking for anything big or small that brings a sense of joy.

But… is it truly possible to connect with joy and experience anxiety too?

That question has been on my mind lately, as anxiety and fear have been spiking sky high many days. Part of what’s going on for me is rebound anxiety, chemical anxiety, spurred by my body trying to adjust to no longer having anti-anxiety medication in my system. And part of what’s going on has been one life stress after another (some big, some small) piled on top of each other with seemingly little or no breathing room before something else is added to the stack.

I’m trying not to worry and fear and dread the future – but those feelings are there. I’m praying, I’m working my neural retraining programs, I’m using a variety of anxiety and stress coping tools, I’m seeking comfort in my spirituality and faith – but far too often, the anxiety and fear are dominant.

Can I really connect with joy while feeling those things?

Yes. And it’s important for me to do so.

Connecting with joy helps relieve the fear and anxiety, even if only temporarily, and even if fear and anxiety don’t completely go away.

I can sing along to a song that lights up my heart…and I’ll experience a time of joy, and the anxiety will ease, but sometimes it doesn’t completely go away. My connection to joy will mingle with a background feeling of anxiety, an unease at the edges of my awareness, maybe quieter but still present.

At other times, joy takes over and the anxiety disappears for a while. I’m grateful, so very grateful, for those times. Sunday afternoon was a recent example of this, as my husband and I took a brief walk in the park, enjoying an afternoon of somewhat-rare-lately lovely weather. I focused on joy. I breathed the fresh air. I gave thanks for the time of peace and ease.

Anxiety and fear roared back with a vengeance only a few hours later. So I focused on looking for more small moments, small things, small ways to connect with joy. Petting the cat. Snuggling under the covers to watch a favorite show. Noticing the calming glow of the fairy lights in the room.

I can’t just wait for anxiety to leave before noticing what brings me joy. I can’t simply wait for joy to unexpectedly show up (although it definitely can do that!).

I have to look for it. I have to be aware. I have to notice.

I have to consciously connect with joy.

Even when – and maybe, sometimes, especially when – anxiety is present too.

♥

breathing a moment of joy and peace…

A few days ago, a weekend morning, I spent time with my husband at a small park we like to visit.

The sky was a somewhat hazy blue, and a gentle breeze kept us company.

We walked two times around the not-very-long path, with me being able to walk without holding onto to anything – not my husband’s hand, not a walking stick. (Walking unassisted while out ‘n about has been a challenge the past few years.)

Then I took a seat on one of the benches as my husband made another round on the walking path.

I took a few photos while sitting there. The above picture is one of them. Sunlight through branches and green leaves, the rolling hills in the distance.

I felt relaxed. At ease. At peace.

I felt joy.

And I breathed it in.

♥

more journey with joy…

When life throws up a bunch of hurdles and challenges, I have to keep reminding myself that I can connect with joy even if I don’t feel happy about what’s going on or how I’m feeling otherwise.

For me, connecting with joy sometimes means that I have to really, really look for those moments, those little pockets, those little somethings, that bring me joy.

Sometimes it means being very deliberate, very intentional. I have to watch for them, so that I can notice them when they happen, and capture them to bring them into my heart and my day.

Sometimes it means I have to actively do something to connect with joy. To make a deliberate choice and decision to make that connection… Even something simple like pulling up a favorite song to listen to. Or spending a few minutes gazing at a beautiful sky. Or giving our cat some scritches and cuddles.

Sometimes we have to deliberately notice. Or consciously choose.

And I’ve found it’s sort of like a muscle – the more I work this joy muscle, the more often I realize I’m feeling joy.

Even when things are difficult. And even if I’m not exactly happy.

I created this art journaling JOY page two or three years ago. It’s nothing fancy, but if you’d like it as a reminder of JOY, it’s yours if you’d like to have it. Just click below to access the downloadable and printable pdf of the image – as with all the printables here, it’s free.

♥