day 9 journey with joy ~ painting, listening…

It’s been a low-intensity day. (I’m still dealing with sinus issues, and self-care mode is very much activated.) I’ve been catching up on listening to some online recordings and watching some online videos. There’s so much good stuff. But sometimes I feel overwhelmed because I simply can’t keep up with all of it.

I have to choose and prioritize. I have to let some things go, and be okay with the releasing.

It’s interesting for me to realize how so many of the audios and videos talk about similar themes. There’s a lot of inter-connectedness and overlapping, and it’s fascinating to see synchronicity at work this way.

(because I feel like I’m hearing these things, from so many different people and places, for a reason)

So I’m listening.

Listening for the messages, for what I’m meant to learn from all of this.

It feels important.

I’ve also been painting today.

And again, I listen.

I stand there and I listen to some inner voice (or maybe it’s an outer voice which feels internal) tell me what color to use and where to put it and what to do with it.

Sometimes when I paint, emotions come to the surface, moving through me, to be released.

Today I just felt calm.

Peaceful.

And painting – and the sense of inner peace – definitely joyful, both of them.

Sometimes it feels really good to simply feel calm and peace.

The inner peace and calm – the inner quiet – make it easier for me to listen.

day 7 journey with joy ~ cycles and supplies…

I didn’t get much sleep last night… although I got more than night before last, when bothersome thoughts kept roaming through my mind and kept me awake until the time many people were getting up for the day. When I woke up this morning, I was grateful for the sleep I did get.

And I was still feeling emotionally raw from the past couple of days.

Old stuff – stuff I’ve already dealt with on many levels – resurfaced for another go-round of healing at a new and deeper level. Things I thought I’d energetically cleared showed up and said nope we’re still here, you haven’t totally finished the work of releasing.

Some very important questions around believing and trusting and relationships and emotions and what’s real and what’s not.

I spent part of the morning doing some processing around what’s happened the past couple of days. I did some of the healing work which needs to be done.

This is a process.

This is stuff that’s a lifetime old (and possibly even older).

I’m being kind to myself about the fact more healing still needs to be done. I know how these things – and the healing journey itself – can go in cycles, or be like a spiral.

To expect only forward momentum – or for a ‘good place’ to remain always good, always static – isn’t realistic.

Life doesn’t usually work like that.

There’s light.

And there’s shadow.

There are ups.

And there are downs.

There are cycles. There’s the spiral of life. Our emotional and healing journeys aren’t linear.

After some time spent on processing and healing (work which isn’t over, it’ll continue), my husband and I headed on a drive in the beautiful sunshine and visited a craft store where I spent time joyfully – yes, definitely joyfully! – exploring the aisles and gathering some supplies.

I was low on a few shades of blue, so I bought new tubes.

I stocked up on more large canvases as well as canvas panels.

And I bought a new sketchbook. (Can I just say how much I love sketchpads and notebooks and journals?!)

And when we got home I spent some time playing with paint.

I still feel a little bit like I’m in an emotional-recovery space, feeling the need to be gentle with myself, feeling the need to do a lot of self-care.

At the same time, I’ve definitely felt the connection to joy today.

The time of working on processing and healing, driving in the sunshine, walking through the parking lot holding hands with my husband, shopping the aisles for painting supplies, a cold drink on a hot day, standing in front of my easel while I painted…

Joy.

day 4 journey with joy…

The first several hours of this day went well. A talk with a good friend, with progress made on some work-related decisions.

Gorgeous weather outside, blue skies, sunshine, a breeze, and temperatures moderate enough for me to open the windows and patio door instead of having the air conditioner on. It feels wonderful outside.

But this afternoon, as I started thinking about some things I need to do, and other things I’m trying to get clarity about, I started to feel the stress rise.

I spent some time outside.

And then I spent some time in front of the easel.

I got out the canvas I started the other day (replacing the current one on the easel – I often paint on more than one project at a time).

Using more blues, and using more water, I stood there and let myself get lost in the flow of the paint on the canvas.

Letting my brush flow, letting the water flow, letting myself simply do swirls and curves and drips and drops.

Not worrying about the end result.

Only painting. Enjoying the doing of it.

Connecting – again – to joy.